DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being
successful.
You push for higher taxes so the
government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So what?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one
and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell
him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both
and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to
get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM,
AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, generate
herds of cows, and provide meat and milk to thousands.
BUREAUCRACY,
AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the
government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to
yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock
goes up.
FRENCH
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want
three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You spend millions creating a robot cow that looks
and walk like the miniature cow.
GERMAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they
are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand
13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows but you
don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and discover that
you now have five cows. You have more vodka. You count them again and discover you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes
over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN
CORPORATION
You have all the cows in
Afghanistan… which is two.
You don’t milk them because
you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from
the U.S. government to find alternatives
to milk production—and use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their
mooing.
POLISH
CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed
and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN
CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she is
French; other times she is Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of
the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA
CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown
cow. Everyone votes for the best looking cow. Some of the people who like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black
cow. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally
a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA
CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
